thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize