Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
