What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
