I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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