you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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