i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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