he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
