Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
