how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
