yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
