dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
