My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
my shit smells like andre
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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