Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
