dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
