woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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