Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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