also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
