He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
