you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
