Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I want her autograph on my taint
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
