my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
