I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
