turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The air taste purple.
Randomize
