The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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