I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
