you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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