She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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