sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
