You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
