she was so not down for the gang bang
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
