i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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