i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
