your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
