Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
