I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
