So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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