It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
