Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
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