Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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