hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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