He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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