He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
