i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
