Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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