Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
