so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
