well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
