i may or may not be watching the land before time
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
