If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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