just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
