It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
