Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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