with your own penis?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
