im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
