I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
