i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
