I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
