life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
