This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
