Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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