Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize