There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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