I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Randomize
