dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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