i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
