So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
